My translation fees are pricey

講以下呢句說話可能無人信,但係千真萬確:其實我好怕同鬼佬拍拖。

怕的原因並不是我不喜歡他們(如果我不喜歡他們就不會花時間跟他們在一起),而是跟他們上街真的很麻煩。

麻煩不是出於他們 (當然有些人又確係好X煩),而是周圍的人。如果你是在香港而要跟一個鬼佬去上環、中環、金鐘、灣仔以外的地區,我勸你別搞了。

首先,你要接受一些奇怪的眼光。唔知點解,仲有好多人會覺得你跟一個和你膚色頭髮顏色不一樣的人親熱地走在一起是一件很不可思議的事。不知那些人是否還當自己活在早期的殖民地年代,還是太熱愛中華文化而要保住中國人的Pure blood,認為打亂種是不能接受的事,於是不其然向你和你的男/女朋友投以奇異的眼光。情況有啲似你出街唔帶Bra一樣,喪𥄫你的飛釘(呢啲情況好似喺香港先會發生)。喂!其實你返屋企沖涼個陣唔該你望下自己,乳頭你自己都有,仲有兩粒咁大把!

第二,你要充當翻譯。又係唔知點解,當你同一個外籍人仕一齊的時候,你就自動成為他/她的導遊兼翻譯。我認識的居港外籍朋友對香港的認知比我更多,他們去過很多我從未去過的地方,也熟識道路交通,很多時我也會向他們請教一番。但香港就是有很多人認為他們甚麼都不懂,連筷子也不會。最慘的是他們會當你身邊的那位是透明一族。試過有一次跟當時的男朋友到銅鑼灣(或尖沙咀)晚膳,招呼我們的Waiter不停的跟我說中文,問我的朋友要點甚麼菜。起初都無事,但講講吓呢樣唔啱嗰樣唔要,我就夾在中間做翻譯兼左右做人難。於是我忍無可忍,對那Waiter說:"其實我當翻譯的收費非廉。他也是你的客人,不如你直接問他吧。" 那時Waiter才免為其難跟我的那位說英語,點知不用兩分鐘Take完Order。唉!其實香港人的英語並非那麼差,但就是不肯用。大膽啲嗎!


那麼在上環、中環、金鐘、灣仔出入是否沒有問題?非也。因為太多熟人在這一帶出沒,如果給一位朋友碰見,這為朋友就會成為其他朋友的狗仔隊。不出數天,你跟某某約會的事就所有朋友都知,情況有如"朋友口述版"的<忽然一週>,最後結果都係煩。

所以最好都是留在家中,做......喜歡做的事。

Probably no one is going to believe what I'm going to say but this is true: I do not like going on dates with gweilos. (Nothing offensive. Feel free to check Wiki for this word's most updated meaning.)


That's not because I do not like them (if I didn't like them I wouldn't be bothered spending time with them). It's because it's a pain in the arse.


The pain doesn't come from them (well some of them can be a real pain), but the people around. If you are a Chinese living in Hong Kong, taking a Westerner to anywhere beyond Sheung Wan, Central, Admiralty and Wan Chai is practically asking for trouble.


First, people will give you strange looks. For some reasons a lot of local Chinese people still find it weird if you are affectionately walking down the street with someone of different skin and hair colours. I don't know if it's because those people are still living in the colonial days, or they are simply too passionate about Chinese culture and the race, so much so that they believe in the "pure blood" theory and do not accept mixed race dating. Hence, you would find that people would give you strange looks - the same kind of look that you would get if you go out without wearing a bra. People just crazily stare at you as if you were naked (it seems that this would only happen in Hong Kong). I so want to tell them: Hey! Why don't you take a good look at yourself when you shower tonight, because YOU have nipples too! And you have TWO of them!


Second, you have to take up the role of being a translator/ interpreter. Again, for some very strange reasons, if you are going out with a non-Chinese person, you would automatically become his or her translator/ interpreter plus tour guide. In fact a lot of gweilos in Hong Kong I know have much more thorough knowledge about they city. They have travelled extensively in the city, been to a lot of places that I've never been to. And a lot of the times I would ask them for information and recommendations. But in Hong Kong, a lot of people still think that they know nothing about our town, and some think that they don't even know how to use chopsticks! The worse thing is that if you go out to a restaurant, your Western friend would be treated in a way as if they have put on the "invisibility cloak" from Harry Potter


Once I went out for dinner in Causeway Bay or Tsim Sha Tsui with my boyfriend at the time. The waiter kept asking me what my date wanted in Chinese. It was okay at the beginning but when the ordering got more and more complicated, I couldn't help but telling the waiter: "You know, my translation fees are pricey. Why don't you ask him directly? He's your customer too!" Then the waiter, unwillingly, began communicating with my date in English. And it only took a couple of minutes to get things done! Hong Kong people's English isn't so bad, but they just don't use it! 


So does it mean that it's hassle free to go on dates in Sheung Wan, Central, Admiralty and Wan Chai? The answer is NO. It's too easy to run into people you know in these areas, and so if you bump into a friend when you are out on dates, the friend will just take on the role of paparazzo and within a few days, everyone would know that you've gone out on a date with someone and where, as if you have graced the cover of Sudden Weekly, but just in a version narrated by your "paparazzo" friend. 


Therefore, in the end, the best way to hang out with your date is to stay at home - and do whatever that you enjoy doing. 




Comments

  1. Dear Viv, Nice seeing u blogging, finally :)
    how've u been recently? Hope things r going well with u!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Jan! Apparently I'm a bit slow in crystallising the idea of blogging lol! And I'm so not tech savvy...

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  3. I LOVE this article. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this because I feel the same way as you, all the things you mentioned above happen to me all the time and it does get very, very annoying.

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  4. Thanks for following Crystal. Glad that you enjoyed reading.

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