假如我是潘霜霜 If I were Pan Shuangshuang
[Please scroll down for English version]
正當全香港在八掛潘霜霜是否有整容、打假波，是否出賣舊愛林峯利用親密照搏上位之時，其實有沒有人想過，這可是一個女人為一段曾經付出過但不獲承認的關係而向男人作出的報復？
有付出，就希望有回報--儘管只是一點點的。不是每個女人都要一張長期飯票，住大屋有工人司機兼有無窮無盡的錢可花。很多女人是願意付出的，但重點是「一起」：沒有錢？一起儲蓄吧！屋太小？可買少一點東西，一起把家中佈置得好一點來maximise 謹有的space。樓可一起供，洗費也可一起分擔 -- 只要那個男人是她所愛的。所要的回報很簡單：得到他的 acknowledgement。
沒有一個女人可以長期忍受作為一個男人身邊的透明人。忍得如華嫂朱麗倩，到最後都得到身份的確認。就是啊二、啊三，都得有個recognition，叫二太、三太、四太都是一種男人對該段關係的承認及承擔。
要 No strings attached -- 正所謂現時流行的 Friends with Benefits -- 都可以，但男人唔該負責任一點：不要玩 sleep over -- 無論多累最好都請 "Laan" 返屋企，或請對方離開； 不要跟對方講太多關於自己的事 -- 尤其是私人的、傷心的事，因為這樣會令對方覺得你對她很信任；不要從外地歸來就送禮物 -- 就算是多無聊的東西都不要，因這樣會讓對方有錯覺，以為你對她有意思；不要經常逗得對方笑得肚子痛，因為這樣會令對方喜歡上你；不要在對方面前表現得太 comfortable -- 放屁 、飯後大聲 Burp 的動作只可在家人或真的很親蜜的愛人前才可做，因為對方接受你的全部，而這樣會令 FwB 覺得你當她是很親蜜的那位。還有一點，三個星期後請不要再找對方，歌都有得唱：「沒有心，別再拖，好心一早放開我。」
雖然是玩，男女雙方都得有責任要負。而女人呢？玩完一個星期後切勿再讓對方找得上。Sex and the City 的Samantha 就做對了: 玩完便算，換一個新的吧！Friends 根本就沒有 "Benefits". 有 "Benefits" 的，就不只是 Friends。
很可惜，人總是喜歡犯規的。
對不起，我沒有料爆，所以不知道「霜峯戀」的真相。但肯定的是男女雙方對這段關係的 expectation 都有一定的落差。聰明的霜霜幸好有儲備彈藥，要不然就不能盡地一鋪，一拍兩散。如果我是潘霜霜，可能我都會這麼做 -- 最少是於這段不獲承認的關係裏對自己的一個交代；雖然到最後，正如她自己對記者們說：「我們都彼此傷害了。」
可恨的是，我沒有霜霜那麼聰明。
Few weeks ago, Pan Shuangshuang was still a nobody. But in just less than three weeks, the previously unknown mainland model has elevated from being a nobody to talk of the town – thanks to a string photos suggesting an intimate relationship between her and TVB heartthrob Raymond Lam Fung. The photos - some featuring her "sleeping" with Lam - “leaked” to the media have graced the covers of virtually all the magazines in town, and Pan is now famous (or infamous).
Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I am not as smart as Shuangshuang.
正當全香港在八掛潘霜霜是否有整容、打假波，是否出賣舊愛林峯利用親密照搏上位之時，其實有沒有人想過，這可是一個女人為一段曾經付出過但不獲承認的關係而向男人作出的報復？
有付出，就希望有回報--儘管只是一點點的。不是每個女人都要一張長期飯票，住大屋有工人司機兼有無窮無盡的錢可花。很多女人是願意付出的，但重點是「一起」：沒有錢？一起儲蓄吧！屋太小？可買少一點東西，一起把家中佈置得好一點來maximise 謹有的space。樓可一起供，洗費也可一起分擔 -- 只要那個男人是她所愛的。所要的回報很簡單：得到他的 acknowledgement。
沒有一個女人可以長期忍受作為一個男人身邊的透明人。忍得如華嫂朱麗倩，到最後都得到身份的確認。就是啊二、啊三，都得有個recognition，叫二太、三太、四太都是一種男人對該段關係的承認及承擔。
要 No strings attached -- 正所謂現時流行的 Friends with Benefits -- 都可以，但男人唔該負責任一點：不要玩 sleep over -- 無論多累最好都請 "Laan" 返屋企，或請對方離開； 不要跟對方講太多關於自己的事 -- 尤其是私人的、傷心的事，因為這樣會令對方覺得你對她很信任；不要從外地歸來就送禮物 -- 就算是多無聊的東西都不要，因這樣會讓對方有錯覺，以為你對她有意思；不要經常逗得對方笑得肚子痛，因為這樣會令對方喜歡上你；不要在對方面前表現得太 comfortable -- 放屁 、飯後大聲 Burp 的動作只可在家人或真的很親蜜的愛人前才可做，因為對方接受你的全部，而這樣會令 FwB 覺得你當她是很親蜜的那位。還有一點，三個星期後請不要再找對方，歌都有得唱：「沒有心，別再拖，好心一早放開我。」
雖然是玩，男女雙方都得有責任要負。而女人呢？玩完一個星期後切勿再讓對方找得上。Sex and the City 的Samantha 就做對了: 玩完便算，換一個新的吧！Friends 根本就沒有 "Benefits". 有 "Benefits" 的，就不只是 Friends。
很可惜，人總是喜歡犯規的。
對不起，我沒有料爆，所以不知道「霜峯戀」的真相。但肯定的是男女雙方對這段關係的 expectation 都有一定的落差。聰明的霜霜幸好有儲備彈藥，要不然就不能盡地一鋪，一拍兩散。如果我是潘霜霜，可能我都會這麼做 -- 最少是於這段不獲承認的關係裏對自己的一個交代；雖然到最後，正如她自己對記者們說：「我們都彼此傷害了。」
可恨的是，我沒有霜霜那麼聰明。
Few weeks ago, Pan Shuangshuang was still a nobody. But in just less than three weeks, the previously unknown mainland model has elevated from being a nobody to talk of the town – thanks to a string photos suggesting an intimate relationship between her and TVB heartthrob Raymond Lam Fung. The photos - some featuring her "sleeping" with Lam - “leaked” to the media have graced the covers of virtually all the magazines in town, and Pan is now famous (or infamous).
Everyone’s been questioning if Pan has had plastic surgeries or a boob job, or if she has sold her has-been affair in order to make herself famous. But put all of these aside, has anyone ever thought of this as a revenge on the guy who has never acknowledged such an affair that perhaps Pan once dedicated herself to?
If you have worked hard for something, of course you want to have something back. But then, in a relationship’s context, not every woman is looking for a filthy rich man to offer her a huge mansion with servants standing by for her to boss around, or a credit card with no credit limit.
A lot of women are willing to make an effort, but the point is to “do it together”: We are broke? Let’s save money together; The apartment is too small? Don’t worry, let’s shop less and arrange our place better together to maximise the space we have. Women are happy to share mortgages and expenses – only if the guy is the one she loves. And in return, all they want is just one very simple thing: to have his acknowledgement in this relationship.
No woman can stay forever invisible in a relationship. Even Carol Choo, who has been living the life of an invisible woman behind super star Andy Lau for more than 20 years, has finally earned the public acknowledgement that she deserves as Lau held her hand in public last year. Even if you are addressed as 2nd wife or 3rd wife, it is still a form of recognition – the guy has acknowledged the relationship publicly and this is a demonstration of his commitment to these women.
If “no strings attached” is what the guy is looking for, such as the so-called “Friends with Benefits”, then guys, pleeeeeeeeeeeease, should be alert and not cross the line:
Do not sleep over – please go home no matter how exhausted you are, even if you have to crawl back home.
Do not share too much information of what’s going on in your life, particularly something really sad or happy – because that will give the other person an impression that you trust her a lot and she’s not more than just a FwB.
Do not buy the other person any presents, no matter how small and frivolous they are – because the girl might think that you had her on your mind.
Do not show off your sense of humour and say humorous things that make the other person laugh out loud happily – because that will make the girl fall for you.
Do not act too comfortable around the other person – any actions like farting and burping loudly should only be done when you are around your family and your loved one, because they accept you for being who you are, and performing actions like that could suggest that you consider her more than just a FwB.
And one more thing, please stop getting in touch three weeks after you started the affair – Make up your mind as soon as possible and just let her go if you are not interested.
Then of course, both man and woman are responsible. So girls, you should just vanish on the guy in no more than seven days. Learn from Samantha Jones in Sex and the City: if you are done, you are done. NEXT! There is no such thing as FwB - friends do not give each other "benefits", as such "benefits" are out of the realm of the definition of friends!
However, breaking the rules is our forte. And when the line has been crossed, it'll be too late.
I’m sorry that I do not have any insider info on the ordeal between Pan and Lam. But one thing for sure is that there’s a significant discrepancy between the expectations from both parties in this relationship/ non-relationship.
Fortunately, Shuangshuang was smart enough to scheme and load up her guns beforehand, otherwise no action could've been taken even if she dared to blow things up and crush everything between her and her ex-lover.
If I were Shuangshuang, I would probably be doing the same thing, as at least it is a kind of acknowledgement of the efforts that I put into this unrecognised relationship. Although at the end of the day, just like what Shuangshuang said to the media: "Both of us have been deeply hurt."
Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I am not as smart as Shuangshuang.